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Dear Pawpaw, this is what you’ve missed since you went to heaven…

It’s been almost 3 years.

I can’t believe it’s been 3 years.

The thing that hurt the most when you left was all the things I knew you’d never get to see. You’ve missed so much, Glenn. You’ve missed so, so much.

I don’t know where to start, so much has happened in those 3 years without you. You were Adam’s biggest fan and I know you’d be OVER the moon proud of where he is now. He’s moved on from Street Corner and now sings with Home Free. (In case you didn’t know, they’re a pretty big deal. :)) He’s doing amazingly well and they put on a show that you would enjoy ten times over. You’d love his band mates, they’re super nice guys. I know they’d love you too. He travels the world and has so many fans. Mom carries the torch for you, she’s gone to many of their shows (and so have I….SUCH an amazing show!) She’s still his number one fan, you’d be proud of her. 🙂

Aubrey’s in high school now. She’s growing up to be a beautiful young woman. She’ll be driving soon. I sure wish you were here to be the guinea pig to take her driving, because her driving is probably going to be awful. 🙂 I can’t believe you’ll miss seeing her graduate from high school. She thought you hung the moon and I know she keeps it all inside, but I see it every once in a while. She won’t tell you, unless it slips out but I think she’s angry you left. I don’t blame her, we all are.

Emma’s growing and changing. I sometimes get a glimpse of that giggly little girl you used to take fishing but life’s kind of beating her up lately. She sure could use you these days. She keeps lot of mementos of you. She has a picture of you and Nanna gave her a doll that she calls “Pawpaw”. She even puts him to bed at night in his own special bed. Right after you died, she would get up each morning and put him in a chair in front of the tv in the dollhouse. She wanted to make sure you could watch “Price is Right”. She still sleeps with your heart pillow that you got at MD Anderson. It’s looking pretty sad these days and I’m not sure what it would do to her if anything ever happened to it, sometimes I think that’s the connection she believes she still has with you.

Landon’s getting so tall, he’s learned to love sports, especially football. I know that would make you SO happy! His favorite team is the Texans, but we can work on that. 🙂 He tells me nearly every night that he’s scared something’s going to happen to me and I think since you left, he realizes that people don’t stay forever.

Paige, wow…you would NOT recognize the little girl she is today. I realized today that you’ve been gone almost as long as she knew you. 3 years is gone and I you would NOT believe how well she’s adjusted to school life. She proved all of us wrong and I’m so grateful. She still has her moments, but don’t we all? She’s almost as tall as Emma and Landon these days and sometimes people mistake them for triplets.

I know it might be hard to believe but Lloyd wears your Alabama shirt every single year for the BCS game. People give him a lot of grief for it, but don’t worry, we quickly set them straight. I know when he hears “Sweet Home Alabama”, it brings a smile to his face, because he knows you loved aggravating him with that song.

I think the person you’d be the proudest of is Mom. She’s learned to forge a new life on her own, even though she didn’t want to. She’s learned to do so many things since you left. She’s become even more independent (is that even possible?) :). Those early days were a blur for all of us, but she’s a strong woman and made it through. She came out shining on the other side of grief and even though it’s still amazingly hard for her, she never gives up.

We talk about you almost daily. Every time we see a redbird, we know it’s you. As silly as it sounds, whenever I get super frustrated with the kids or can’t find something that we’ve lost, I always ask you to help me and crazy enough, you always come through for me.

These days the mention of your name still brings tears, but thankfully most of the time, it’s not the river of tears it once was. The memories hit you at the oddest of times. They’re sparked by the strangest things or situations and out of the blue, the sadness comes. It’s so damn overwhelming. Life is so unfair. My kids should never have to live a life without you. They loved you so much and I will honestly never understand why this happened. It makes me so mad that you have missed out on so much.

I think we’ve all come to the sad realization that you aren’t coming back and we have to keep moving forward. I don’t believe we ever have to move on, but life keeps moving forward and we have to as well. We love and miss you every single day, Glenn.

“A person dies once on their deathbed. Another time when you stop saying their name.” 

2 thoughts on “Dear Pawpaw, this is what you’ve missed since you went to heaven…

    1. Thank you. Losing someone is never easy, but his death really affected us more than most. He was so incredibly involved in my kids lives. Him and my father in law are the only grandparents my kids know. He loved my kids to no end. 🙂

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